dont wish the same things happen again.....

after i sick, i felt myself more depends on you....
i will wish that always be with you, do not want to go far frm u....
some times i really hate myself started to became like this,
this not just make myself feel suffer, the main point is....
it will make you feel irritating in the future....
it make me had a lot of bad memories flash back in sudden,
it all about my ex....
i told u before why we will break up...
at the first time break up, is because i too depends on her,
i like to control her....
just like did not give a free space to her...
thats why she felt no freedom....
and olso my bad temper.....
i will get angry easily just like recently...
the more i angry with you, that show i more care about you....
all this scene make me think back the things that i had experience,
those memories and experience already became my phobia...
i scare u will dont want because of the same reason as her,
it make me felt more angry myself...
i'm so sorry that i control you until so tight recently...
i just cannot control myself.....
i will learn to control myself,
the more i talk to you in a cool way, the more i felt suffer
because i started to talk to myself inside my heart...
i will told myself that give you some freedom,
dont so care about it...
although it not what i wan to do,
but i will force myself to do it...
i wan you be happy to couple with me,
i dont wan you feel suffer or irritate with it....
if you feel to tight, make you can not breath, i wish that u will tell me...
i dont wan the same things happen again...
I DONT WANT!!!
i cannot manage to lost you,
its already enough for me,
seriously, u more important to me compare to her...
i did not felt this way before....
Baby, can you promise me, dont let the same things happen again??
I LOVE YOU.....

bad memories had flash back suddenly

recently, my body already give some signal to me that i should start to take care myself
hyperventilation come back to find me since after f3, it already rest for so long,
but now it coming back...
i had suffer for this since last tuesday and almost fainted at school,
i know that time already make him so damn worry about me....
i was fainted d next day,
i had been send to hospital by an ambulance,
this is the first time i sat ambulance to go hospital,
and that time really make him more worry about me...
now every time i close my eyes for resting or really not feeling well,
he wont let me close my eyes
he will make sure me is not fainted....
i know this few days already make you so damn tired just because of me...
i'm so sorry baby....
because of this,
i more depends on you,
when you not accept my call or reply my message,
i will start to think a lot...
will start thinking what happen to you,
although i know you are sleeping,
i will keep calling you to make sure that you had bath already, ate you dinner already....
not because i wan make sure that you done all the things,
is because i want you to accompany me,
when i heard you sound or be with you,
i only will feel safety....
seriously,
i scare that you will feel troublesome because i always want to stick with you...
i scare i will lost you...
so when you not with me,
i will so sad...
i dont know what happen to me,
i was like....already poisoning....
already get the poison that you giving....
the more i angry with you, the more that i show i very care about you baby....
i just cnt control myself....T.T